


Harmless Revenge

by ElisaPhoenix



Series: A Tevinter Altus and his Pseudo Sister [6]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 18:05:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17882624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElisaPhoenix/pseuds/ElisaPhoenix
Summary: She needed eye bleach. So much eye bleach.





	Harmless Revenge

She needed eye bleach. _So much eye bleach_. But since Thedas didn’t have anything like it, she was going to try making herself drunk enough to forget. Try being the keyword. Elisa knew she couldn’t get drunk by normal means but one could hope as she downed her fourth tankard. The Inquisitor asked her to do a few things for him around Skyhold, and she was more than glad to do so, it kept her busy. But when she returned to his quarters to drop off some of the missives he needed from Josephine…

“You alright Spooky? What’s the occasion?”

Elisa glowers at Varric and the dwarf only smirks at her. She hated that look.

“I’m trying to forget. I’m seriously considering this blood magic everyone hates.”  
Varric raises an eyebrow as he takes a swig from his own ale. “Nothing can be serious enough to need something like that.”  
“It is when you get an eyeful of Dorian.”  
“I thought you’ve seen Sparkler in all his glory?”  
Elisa groans and smacks her head against the table. “Not under the Inquisitor. Very different story.”

Sera cackles from the floor above them, and Iron Bull joins in the laughter with his own loud guffaw. Elisa sighs as she props her chin on the table and eyes the full tankard in front of her, hoping it was much stronger than what they were serving. Dorian had been right about the alcohol in the Herald’s Rest being swill. If the smell of nug piss was anything to go by, the ale definitely tasted of it.

“Hey dwarf! You owe me five royals!” Varric grumbles a tosses the coins to Iron Bull and Elisa looks at the Qunari curiously. “He bet the Vint was a top.”  
“Unbelievable.” Elisa sighs and lays on the rest of the vacant bench. “Do you think Solas can use some magic to help me forget?”  
The rogue chuckles. “Sorry Spooky. You’re stuck with the image of your brother and the Inquisitor going at it for the rest of your life.”

She would whole-heartedly deny it later but she whined. She would probably have nightmares about it for weeks to come and she couldn’t even return the favor in revenge. Dorian would probably just find it hilarious.

Then a thought struck her.

“Hey Sera? How do you feel about pranking them?”  
The elf perks up and rushes down the stairs to sit on what little bit of bench Elisa wasn’t occupying, and grins down at her. “You’re finally letting me do something to Mr. Fancy-Britches and Quizzy?”  
“Both of us. This is about revenge.”  
Sera giggles. “Alright then! Lead the way! I’ll have a nice view!”

Elisa ignores Sera’s attempt at a subtle flirt and allows her to pull her up to her feet. Now it was only a matter of _how_ they were going to prank Dorian and Nolan. They couldn’t glue the mage’s wine closed with sap since Sera had already done that, but otherwise they were a clean slate. She didn’t have many ideas though, one of her brothers was the occasional prankster but he tended to stick to water.

“Any ideas?” Elisa asks as the two leave the tavern (and after chucking a lonesome spoon at Bull when he loudly agreed with Sera).   
“Dorian likes his clothes.”

Elisa actually smiled. Oh yes, Dorian prided himself in his fashion sense. That thought was enough to give her an idea on how she was going to prank the mage at least. 

“You’re smiling. That’s weird.”  
“Really? Other people do.”  
“Not you. You always look like you killed someone and it didn’t bother you. You have an idea, yeah?”  
“Steal his clothes. I’ll even give you the key to our room.” The ravenette digs her key out of her satchel and holds it out to the excited elf. “Don’t touch anything else.”  
“Spoil sport. What about Quizzy?”  
“I have a couple of ideas. This is his entire fault anyway.”  
Sera cackles. “This is why I like you.”

The archer skips off with a crazed look in her eyes that had anybody nearby hurrying off from fear of being her next target, and Elisa makes her way to the Undercroft. Dorian’s prank would take some time, so once Sera successfully pilfered his robes, she would send her off on the Inquisitor’s tricks. Then hopefully she could watch the chaos ensue from the Great Hall.

*************

Once everything was in place, Elisa calmly sat at the table with Varric in the Great Hall, and ignored the apprehensive look the dwarf was giving her. She debated giving him an innocent smile but the loud Tevene curses coming from the direction of the Inquisitor’s door stopped her. Dorian and Nolan step out the door covered in dye and Elisa controls her expression as the mage darts across the hall to the middle door leading up to the inner circle’s rooms, and Nolan looks around until he finds her. The man approaches her, seeming to have no care for his current state, and he folds his arms as he leans against the table and attempts to stare her down.

“Why do I have the feeling you were part of this?”  
“Whatever do you mean Inquisitor?” Elisa smiles up at him innocently, but Nolan didn’t seem to buy it, and Varric was watching the whole spectacle in silence. She was hoping he would put this in one of his books. It would be a permanent reminder to the Inquisitor.   
“My inkwells are full of blueberry juice, my clothes are missing, and now I’ve been soaked in dye.” Nolan pats her head and she furrows her eyebrows.

She was not expecting that.

“You walked in on us didn’t you?”  
Elisa sighs. “It’s your own fault.”  
“Do I even want to know what you did to Dorian?”

Elisa didn’t even need to answer because the man himself was storming over, still dressed in his dye-soiled robes, and looking ready to set fire to the new robes in his hands. Bright yellow, plaidweave. Dorian _hated_ plaidweave, so Elisa made sure all of his clothes was nothing but a visual monstrosity.

“Who replaced my silks with these…these _eyesores_?!” The mage nearly hisses at the burden in his arms before tossing them into the fire behind Varric. “I won’t be caught dead in that!”  
“Hey Sparkler.” Dorian turns his ire onto the dwarf. “Maybe it’s punishment for giving a certain someone a show they didn’t want to see.”

Elisa hoped she would have been able to let the whole thing play out a little longer, but since Nolan saw through her lie, she figured that she didn’t play innocent very well. It was like lying and she didn’t really like lying to friends. Enemies on the other hand? She didn’t mind so much. It didn’t take much longer for Dorian to realize who the rogue was referring to, and his ire was quickly turned to her.

“ _Sorora_ …”  
“Your silks are safe. You can have them back in the morning.”  
“I am covered in dye. That doesn’t come out of skin easily!”  
“I suggest you go take a bath then. I can’t have my spoiled brother looking like a bruised peach.”  
Her sass was rewarded with a very forceful flick on her forehead, something the mage seemed to take a liking to when it came to her. “You’re lucky I like you.”  
“I want an apology or no clothes in the morning!”  
“I’m sorry you had to see me in such a pleasurable situation.”  
“Ugh.”  
Dorian walks away with a victorious smile and Nolan sighs. “I’m sorry Elisa. I won’t let it happen again.”

Elisa waves him away and when the Inquisitor walks away, Varric grins at her. 

“I might need to spice it up, but I am definitely putting that in my book.”  
“I was hoping you would. Which book?”  
“Spooky…you and Sparkler have a book all your own.”


End file.
